There is No Shame In Marriage Counseling
One of the reasons marriages break up is that it's easier to get a divorce than to go through counseling. Not because it is particularly expensive or physically demanding, but that you have to do admit that sometimes it IS your fault.
You also have to make an effort to see your partner's point of view and be willing to have your expectations be dashed.
What If Your Counselor Is Divorced?
This is not about the counselor. You may get just as good counseling from a counselor who is divorced as from someone who is still married.
In both cases, you are getting to talk to someone who knows exactly what you are going through. In the case of a divorced counselor, you also get the benefit of knowing when a relationship can't be saved.
But, most importantly, a divorced, married or single marriage counselor has the qualifications and training to help your marriage and yourself.
They have been trained to listen, not take sides and to help you communicate better with your partner. Often these are the very skills you need to help make your relationship smoother.
Don’t Rely On Clergy
If you can possibly help it, never turn to any kind of religious leader or clergyman in your community for marriage advice. Although there are the occasional pastor, priest or priestess with a psychology degree, most will not have the training or the slightest clue as to what this kind of counseling is all about.
It's like going to a veterinarian in order to get your car fixed.
What About Books?
There are a lot of self-help books on the market about having better relationships and about marriages. But if you have serious communication or trust issues with your spouse, then you really need to see a professional counselor in order to focus counseling to your particular needs.
Books about marriage advice can help in a supplementary fashion during your counseling process. Your counselor might even want you and your spouse to read a certain book and then discuss what you both think of it during your sessions.
You can also keep a journal or diary or your thoughts about the book, in order to help you bring up important questions during your sessions.
So there is no shame in getting marriage counseling when you need it. You would take your car to the mechanic when it isn't working, so you should go to a counselor to help fix what can be fixed.